When to Give Up on a Blended Family

9 min read

If y'all're wondering when to leave a composite family unit, yous're not alone.

A lot of people go into composite families agreement they're likely to face more hurdles.

The problem is: this can lead them to stay in relationships that are doomed for far likewise long.

In my role as a life jitney, I am regularly helping men and women deal with these types of personal issues.

That'southward why I'1000 excited to publish this guide on navigating the potential struggles of being in a blended family.

Let's dive right into information technology.

1. What Is A Blended Family?

This is a family containing two or more children, where at least one is the biological or adopted child of both adults, while another is the biological or adopted child of simply one adult. By definition, this family must all live nether the same roof.

When To Leave A Blended Family — Photo By Eric Ward On Unsplash

Some definitions of a composite family unit suggest the couple have to be married, in which case at least ane kid would have a step-parent.

I'll refer to the 'husband' and 'wife' in a blended family throughout the rest of this guide.

However, the advice for couples remains the same, whether or non marriage is involved.

ii. What Percentage Of Blended Families End In Divorce?

There are plenty of unlike studies regarding the divorce rate in various parts of the earth. About of them indicate that those in a 2d marriage are far more likely to divide. What'due south more, the likelihood of divorcing is even higher when pace-children are involved.

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A recent study based on the U.S census bureau suggested that up to 73% of spouses with children from previous marriages terminate up divorcing.

3. Why Are Blended Families So Hard?

Marriage is tough as information technology is. The divorce rate for first marriages is believed to exist between forty-50%, depending on the source. So, it'south not a walk in the park for a husband and wife with no children – and that's just two people who need to get forth.

With a composite family, in that location are and then many extra opportunities for conflict.

The couple need to hold on the best way to raise this new family unit unit;
The children demand to go along with their new step-parent;
The children may likewise need to get along with their step-siblings or one-half-siblings;
The exes of both partners are probable to still be involved, especially if they're a biological parent to ane of the children.

Disharmonize in whatever of these areas tin can add additional stress to a marriage, and this tin can go far far more difficult for a couple to stick together.

four. Why Blended Families Fail

When you lot understand the main reasons why blended families fail, you tin can avoid these common mistakes that pb to their demise.

So, permit's take a await at some of the biggest challenges that a blended family may face.

Who Comes Start In A Composite Family?

In that location are no hard and fast rules for who comes first in a blended family.

This tin can lead to false expectations among all family members, creating frustration and conflict for everyone involved.

Blended Family Problems Jealousy

If a parent puts their spouse commencement, it could make a child jealous or resentful. If a parent puts their child first, the spouse could get upset.

If i child believes some other is getting more attending from the adults, this could likewise cause jealousy and conflict.

At that place's besides the potential for jealousy when the other parent/ex-spouse gets involved too.

Wherever the jealousy is coming from, this could put a lot of strain on the family unit of measurement as a whole.

What Is The Step-Parent's Role?

A couple in a blended family unit may frequently disagree on how much authority they should have over children who are not theirs.

Should the step-parent exist able to subject area a kid? Should they be able to brand any rules at all? Should the footstep-parent be able to forego all responsibility for the upbringing of a step-son or stride-daughter? This is a huge source of conflict amid men and women in a blended family.

Even if a organisation of responsibility is agreed upon, there's no guarantee the children volition accept subject area or authorization from anyone who isn't their biological parent.

Relationship With The Ex

Studies suggest that a kid's mental health tin can be damaged by a divorce – and any subsequent remarriage that a biological parent goes through.

Withal, many psychologists propose this is due to their added exposure to conflict.

Conflict betwixt a child's biological parents is e'er going to injure them – and it'south most inevitable one time they become part of a new blended family.

The other parent might not be living with their children any more than, but they're still likely to desire a say about how they're raised.

By the same token, the members of the blended family might have something to say most what this parent does when he sees his kids.

There aren't many amicable divorces. A toxic relationship with an ex-spouse tends to be inevitable. And it'southward even more likely when you're disagreeing on custody schedules or how your kids should exist raised.

If a new spouse wants to have their say, it tin can get even more fiery. If the children are exposed to this, it's going to hurt their feelings and probably bear on their beliefs.

5. How To Fix A Broken Blended Family

Whether you're stuck in a conflict-fuelled blended family or you're merely getting started in a new human relationship and want to avoid these difficult problems, these tips should help you transform a composite family into a large happy family unit.

Admit The Challenge

Now you're enlightened of the biggest hurdles that adults confront in a blended family unit, yous have no excuse not to make a game-plan with your partner.

In one case you've agreed on the rules, practise your best to get your kids onboard with them. Call a family meeting and talk nigh how your new family life is going to work.

Leave The Parenting To The Biological Parents

Most experts on parenting propose that it'southward no adept for a new stepparent trying to fill the function of a biological parent.

More often that not, this just leads to;

not-compliance and resentment from the children;
anger and frustration from the biological parents;
unncessary stress for the footstep-parent themselves;

Then, no-one wins in the long-term.

It'south believed to be far more effective if the step-parent plays the role of an ally, firstly to their partner and then to their pace-kid.

If you're a step-parent, information technology's highly recommended for yous to get on-board with your partner's style of parenting.

Your job isn't to change the rules their kids are used to, nor to enforce consequences for their bad beliefs. Information technology's your role to back up your partner with their parenting.

Of course, you can be someone your footstep-children can go to for support, but you shouldn't take their side against your partner.

It'southward also a great idea non to get into any parenting-based conflict with the ex-spouse of your partner either.

Don't Argue In Forepart Of The Kids

If you do enter a discussion about how the kids should be treated, have it in private.

Do non have these discussions in front of the kids themselves. Family conflict is atrocious for a child'south psychological health.

Also, kids will do what they can to become their way. If they sense they tin get what they want from a parental unit by 'divide and conquer' tactics, they will endeavour it.

It'south meliorate to always come across as a united team who are on the aforementioned page, even if you are struggling to agree on certain points behind the scenes.

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Step-Parents Need To Build A Relationship With Stride-Children

This shouldn't be forced, just it will assist to solve a lot of potential drama if a new stepparent can bond with their step-kids.

Mayhap they can notice something unique to do together during one-on-one time. An activity they don't do with anyone else.

Blended Family Counseling

If you're struggling to prefer the tips listed above, it could pay to invest in back up from a human relationship counsellor. At that place are plenty out in that location with a specialized focus in the dynamics of a composite family.

These professionals will accept gained plenty of experience helping out remarried couples with challenges like co-parenting, dealing with ex-partners, communication breakdowns with pace-children and other related issues.

As such, these are probably the best counsellors to seek help from.

vi. Why Blended Families Succeed

A blended family unit isn't all doom and gloom for those involved. There are actually several benefits for the couple and the children.

If yous tin understand and attempt to focus on these, you've surely got an improved chance of making things piece of work.

Here are some pros:

A child is probable to get more attending compared to what they'd get in a single-parent household.
A blended family will have more income than a unmarried-parent household, meaning less stress for the biological parent and hopefully a better quality of life for the kids.
The children become new half-siblings or step-siblings to play with.
The children will learn how to adapt to new circumstances.
The children will be exposed to a couple that is in dear. That's so much better than being exposed to 2 biological parents who hate each other.
Two happily married parents mean happier children, fifty-fifty if their parents had to marry other people.

Those final two points are likely to be the nearly crucial. Recollect, it'southward family disharmonize that creates a lousy upbringing for children.

If you can follow the suggested steps to eliminating conflict, you're in with a swell chance of creating a healthy human relationship and a successful composite family.

7. When To Go out A Blended Family

There are plenty of questions you should enquire yourself earlier yous go into relationships with a unmarried parent.

Are you prepared to be a significant part of their children's life?
Are you prepared to exist part of a family where y'all take no authority to co-parent?
Are you prepared to be in a relationship where your partner'due south ex will ever exist a function of their life?
If you have kids as well, are you prepared for the sibling-related issues that might arise?

When you lot know what to expect from a blended family and brand peace with those expectations, y'all'll be less likely to wonder when to leave it.

However, there are certain scenarios where it would usually announced to be best for you lot to get out a blended family unit.

You And Your Partner Won't Compromise

Information technology's crucial for you two to sit down and concord upon the rules of raising this blended family. If y'all tin can't concur on key family issues (even with the assistance of a human relationship counsellor), it'southward unremarkably all-time to call it a twenty-four hours.

Your Child Is Struggling

Nearly single parents volition concur they should put their children's needs ahead of their own romantic desires.

That'south not to say you should immediately bond on a blended family unit your child is struggling to adjust into. Afterwards all, you're the adult with the ability to help your child suit to new surroundings over fourth dimension.

Also, parents will frequently need to put their own needs get-go to ensure their kid gets a practiced upbringing. Even if your child seems unhappy in a composite family, you might expect it would be even worse if you lot were a single parent. If your own mental health takes a hit, information technology's going to exist harder to raise your child, peculiarly on your ain.

However, in that location are some scenarios where you may have to end a relationship for the sake of your kid. For example, if y'all deem their relationships with your partner or even their step-siblings have been damaged beyond repair.

It's Been More Than Two Years And High Conflict Remains

Most stress comes within the showtime two years of an extended family's existence. That's when everything is still new and different. That's when the fallout of a divorce is nevertheless fresh. That's when children are virtually probable to struggle to adapt.

If you tin make information technology through the awkward first two years, things could become less stressful moving forwards.

All the same, if you weren't prepared for this new family environment to begin with, at that place could be no saving it.

Toxic Blended Family

If your partner is existence violent, emotionally abusive or adulterous, this can be turned around, especially with the assistance of a counsellor. Even so, for many people, these are solid reasons to escape a blended family unit and never look back.

8. How Do You lot Suspension Up A Blended Family unit?

Break Up A Blended Family — Photo By Zoriana Stakhniv on Unsplash

If you do determine to interruption upward a blended family, you should treat the situation with as much sensitivity every bit whatsoever other divorce.

The kids need to be let down gently and ensured that the break-up wasn't their fault.

In such circumstances, a divorce omnibus could help you finish the human relationship as smoothly as possible.

nine. Blended Family Facts

These statistics will assist you know what to expect if you lot get into a blended family unit.

Around 1,300 new blended families are formed every day. That's a lot of children from previous relationships having to re-adapt to a new family.
The nuclear family is slowly disappearing, in the United States at to the lowest degree. There are now more than blended families in the U.S than traditional nuclear families.
1 in three Americans are blended family members; either equally a spouse, stepparent or stepchild.
Around half of American children will witness their parents split up, and half of these will witness a parent get divorced over again.
One in iv children with divorced parents develop severe social or emotional bug, compared to just 10% of kids from a nuclear family.
Americans are fourteen% less likely to divorce if their parents remained married.

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Any More than Questions About Blended Families?

Thanks for reading my guide on dealing with the struggles of a composite family. I hope it met your expectations.

If you'd like to make a indicate or share your perspective on introducing a new spouse to your kids, co-parenting or anything else on this topic, the proficient news is: you can do and then in the comments below.

No matter what your personal circumstances are, it will be bully to hear from you.